Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
