WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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