Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my poor anus
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
