He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
