The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
