Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
