Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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