Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
