I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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