I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
