Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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