Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
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