I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
