Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
