I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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