Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
