Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Someone came in the potted fern
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
