I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
