hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
