I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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