She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
