I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
