Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
