rhymes with "ouble enetration"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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