i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
