Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
