What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
