I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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