If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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