yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
