She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
