You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
