my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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