Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
