I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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