I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
