I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
