My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
