10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
