mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
