I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
