I cannot find my penis.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
