I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
