Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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