If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
