he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
