He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
