Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
