I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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