I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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