Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
