Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
