i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I fill condoms, not promises.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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