my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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