listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
